Arty's annoying cousin
by tha-artemisrox
Summary: Arty's cousin Damien comes over for summer, how will artemis survive the littel whirlwind? REVISED! first chapter changed will work on one chapter a day
1. Arty has a cousin

Artemis sat there, in his horridly expensive chair in a horridly expensive mansion, wondering which did come first, the chicken or the egg.

That was until his mom came in with a five-year-old boy jumping up and down with a bag of sugar, obviously sugar high.

"Arty," she began in a cheerful tone "I need you to baby-sit your cousin Damien while I'm out."

Ah yes Damien the little whirlwind that spilt soft drink on his laptop, called butler a shaved Hagrid and Artemis a vampire.

Artemis sighed "Very well mother but butler must help." Like the great Artemis fowl the second was going to do anything without his trusty bodyguard.

"Ok Arty dear."

And with that, Angelene left.

Damien promptly ran up to sit on Artemis's lap and look him in the eyes, a little too close for comfort.

"I'm obnoxious!"

Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"Indeed, Butler would you make him take a bath so he doesn't bother me?"

"Yes master Artemis."

Butler moved forward to grab Damien, but, the being the little kid he was, Damien dodged Butler's arms and jumped on top of Artemis yelling "Bother, bother, bother!!!"

Butler finally managed to grab Damien and take him out of the room. Unfortunately five minuets later Damien ran back in wearing nothing but a towel around his neck like a cape and yelling "NAKED TIME!" before proceeding to do a happy little jig a happy little jig.

Artemis REALY didn't need to see that.

"BUTLER!!!"

Butler came ran into the room and seeing the predicament, grabbed Damien and took him out yelling

"Ha-ha! Your name is butt-ler!" in a sing song voice.

Once the door was closed Artemis let out a sigh.

It was going to be a looong summer.


	2. arty meets the terrible two

For disclaimer see previous chapter enjoy. OK here is what will happen. Arty`s cousin came three days after the holidays started. The first chapter took place the day after Damien came to annoy arty. Angeline is never in the room when Damien is sugar high. Artemis`s father is on a holiday to Hawaii because I said so. Takes place after the eternity code so no fairies.  
  
Artemis woke up to find Damien playing with his underwear. Artemis jumped up and dragged Damien out of his room before picking up his underwear, putting it away and getting dressed.  
  
Artemis walked into the kitchen to see Juliet covered in broken eggs and flower and holding Damien by his foot. "This little monster jumped on me while I was making pancakes." She said dropping him on the ground Artemis was surprised to see Damien clean. Just then Artemis`s mother walked in took a look at Juliet and said "Juliet I'm surprised at you go clean up ill make breakfast today seeing as you weren't responsible enough!" Juliet left grumbling and glaring at Damien who was bouncing in his chair. "Mother don't you think it would be wise to send Damien to a day care?" suggested Artemis. "Why do you say that arty Damien's a perfect little angel" said Angeline putting toast in front of Artemis. "Because" said Artemis taking a deep breath " I don't like to be disturbed studying." In actual fact Artemis had been studying the strange contact that had fallen out of his eye. (A.N no Artemis will not look for the fairy I don't ant to use the fairies in THIS story) "OK Arty I will take him to that new day care I've heard about." Said Angeline.  
  
At 11:30 Angeline left with Damien to the day care and Artemis had 5 hours of relaxation. At 3:30 the doorbell rang Artemis sighed and opened the door to find his mother holding Damien's hand along with a five-year-old girls. "Mother who is that!?" "oh Arty don't be rude this is Amber she is Damien's friend her mother is an old friend of mine so she said dear little Amber can stay over the afternoon. Isn't that just wonderful!" Artemis looked at Amber who was giggling and jumping up and down with Damien both of them holding a bag of lolies. "Yeah wonderful!" Angeline smiled and started to walk upstairs yawning Artemis didn't blame her ten minuets in the car with those two little monster must be unbearable!  
  
Butler laughed when he saw Artemis come in with a little girl rapt around his leg yelling "this is the song that never ends it just goes on and on my friends someone started it not knowing what it was and I will go on and on just because!" and Damien sitting on his shoulders singing "Tarzan the monkey man swinging on a rubber band along came SUPERMAN!! And kicked him in the dunny can!" Artemis just glared. It was going to be a long long summer!  
  
So what do you think of chapter two suggestions please. 


	3. arty tells a story

NEEW CHAAAPTEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Butler still laughing took the two five year olds off of Artemis. Needless to say Artemis was not happy. "Butler help me make them fall asleep so that I can work on my uh project." "Yes master Artemis." Said Butler taking Damien off Artemis`s head. Artemis sat on a chair and put Amber on his lap and started to tell her a story about fairies living under ground with intelligent centaurs. Where he got the story he couldn't remember. When he got to the part with the troll Amber squealed and Artemis felt a wet patch on his leg. "AndthetrollwaskilledbythefairiesandeveryonelivedhappilyeverafterTHEEND!!!" Artemis jumped up and ran into the bathroom to change his pants. When he got back Butler had Damien and Amber in his dry lap asleep.  
  
Artemis was sitting in the living room reading a book on nanotechnology. Butler was shopping since the terrible two were asleep and Juliet couldn't get the egg and flower out of her hair. Suddenly he heard giggling behind him he turned around and Damien yelled "NOW!" And four small hands tied him up in ties socks and extension cords then they tied a napkin around his eyes.  
  
Angeliene came downstairs to see Artemis tied up with crayon all over his face and a pair of undies on his head with Damien and Amber sleeping nearby. Angeliene untied Artemis and took the undies off his head. "Arty I appreciate that you looked after them but acting like them is going too far!" Artemis scowled "Oh no don't give me that look young man but since you did such a good job you can go upstairs and rest Amber's parents are here to pick her up." Angeline stood up and carried Amber to the door Artemis sighed and went to his room the moment his head touched his pillow he was asleep.  
  
Aww sleepy Arty how cute! Review . 


	4. Arty shows the school

OK new chapter please give me some Ideas.  
  
As Artemis came down to breakfast he though about telling his mother about how Damien and Amber really acted. Just as he walked into the room he saw Damien switching his empty bowl for Artemis`s. Artemis snatched his bowl back. "Now now Arty that's Damien's food if you want more just ask." Said Angeliene giving his bowl to Damien and giving him some burnt toast.  
  
Once Damien was finished he held Juliet and his mother back. "Juliet help me say what a pain in the Gluteus Maximums he is!" whispered Artemis. "If it will keep him out of my room then sure!" they turned to Angeliene who sat there wondering what to say, "You go first Artemis." Said Juliet. Artemis took a deep breath and told Angeliene about what had happened so far then Juliet told her side of the story. "What are you trying to say Arty?" said Angeliene frowning "What were trying to say is could you look after him for the rest of the holidays!?" Angeliene sighed "I guess he is a bit of a handful." Said Angeliene "I suppose I could but that means you look after him for the first week back to school." "WHAT! You didn't say that he'd be staying for more than the holidays!" Artemis imagined coming home from school and Damien jumping on top of him. "Well you never asked did you." Said Angeliene and left the room.  
  
For the rest of the holidays was pretty boring since Damien didn't bother Artemis but when school came Artemis was nerves about going home to get jumped on by Damien. When Tuesday came Artemis sighed the first week of school was almost over then the teacher handed out the news letter and Artemis was horrified that tomorrow was "bring siblings week" he immediately rolled the paper into a ball and stuffed it into his pants pocket. The bell rang and he was dismissed.  
  
The next day Artemis saw Angeliene combing the wriggling Damien's hair. *Please be for his last day not bring siblings week PLEASE! * But then he saw her holding a crumpled note in her free hand. "Oh no." "Oh Arty I found this note in you pocket when I was checking the laundry and I got Damien ready right away!" "IM GOING TO BIG SCHOOL!" shouted Damien Artemis sighed it was inevitable.  
  
Artemis got home and flopped on the couch and sighed today had been the most humiliating day ever at school Damien had smuggled out a pair of Artemis`s underwear. Then when school finished they went strait to the airport to send Damien back as a unaccompanied minor. At the screening doors the security jumped on Butler because he had not properly concealed a weapon. When they finally managed to convince security that he was a cop and that he was on duty tonight (with help from Artemis) they left the airport.  
  
Meanwhile under ground Foaly was selling videos called "ARTEMIS`S MOST EMBARASSING COUSIN"  
  
So that's it for now ill make a sequel if you give me ideas. 


End file.
